Saturday, August 15, 2015

Geological Specimens from the Fantasy Underworld

Sunstone: sometimes crafted into orbs, bricks, or other objects, this stone gives off a radiance equivalent to surface sunlight in both luminosity and heat, ranging from a cold pale "winter sun" for a single stone, to dazzling hot "summer sun" for an entire cavern. Sunstone illumination can fully meet the light needs of green plant life.

Night Crystals:  these natural crystals absorb visible light and come in two varieties. Twilight crystals absorb some of the non-magical visible light in the surrounding area, cutting torch and lamp illumination diameters in half. Midnight crystals absorb all non-magical light in their vicinity, making mundane light sources useless.

Chameleon Veins: these naturally occurring swirling patterns of radiation emanate from the rock in underground environments. Their patterns resemble those normally seen by infravision, darkvision, etc. When chameleon veins are present, the patterns of creatures and objects blend in with the background rock so well that infravision, darkvision, etc. are rendered useless.

Silenite: sometimes crafted into brick walls and flagstone floors, this rock absorbs sound. The footfalls of creatures walking across a silenite floor, for example, cannot be heard, and a magic-user inside a silenite-crafted room cannot cast spells.

Amplicite: this stone magnifies sound many times over. The stealthiest footfall on an amplicite flagstone sounds like a mighty hammer blow ringing on an anvil.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Adventure Sound Bites

"Next time use the pokey thing!"

"Where the heck is my perception?"

"New bard spell: Burning Jazz Hands."

GM: The dragon turns and moves away from you – you get an attack of opportunity.
A: But I don't have any melee weapons.
B: Well, you can just slap the dragon's ass.

A round or two later the party's paladin gets toasted by the dragon's fire breath, then fails his save on an ill-placed fireball from the party's wizard, taking another 8d6 damage -- and a certain someone, famous for rolling "1's" on every throw, now makes up for it by rolling his 8d6 and getting: 


We need some aloe vera over here!

The whole thing went something like this:

GM: the dragon breathes fire on the paladin...
Paladin (noting damage): It's okay, I'm still up.
Wizard: I cast fireball!
Paladin: "AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!"
Amused Party Member: "Now he's a paladin of Saint S'more!"
Wizard: "Dude, I am soooo sorry.

"It was a gamemaster-bationfest!"

"Just put the urinal cake in an old sock and steep it in the tea pot."