Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Adventure Sound Bites

"Next time use the pokey thing!"

"Where the heck is my perception?"

"New bard spell: Burning Jazz Hands."

GM: The dragon turns and moves away from you – you get an attack of opportunity.
A: But I don't have any melee weapons.
B: Well, you can just slap the dragon's ass.

A round or two later the party's paladin gets toasted by the dragon's fire breath, then fails his save on an ill-placed fireball from the party's wizard, taking another 8d6 damage -- and a certain someone, famous for rolling "1's" on every throw, now makes up for it by rolling his 8d6 and getting: 

We need some aloe vera over here!

The whole thing went something like this:

GM: the dragon breathes fire on the paladin...
Paladin (noting damage): It's okay, I'm still up.
Wizard: I cast fireball!
Amused Party Member: "Now he's a paladin of Saint S'more!"
Wizard: "Dude, I am soooo sorry.

"It was a gamemaster-bationfest!"

"Just put the urinal cake in an old sock and steep it in the tea pot."