Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Adventure Sound Bites

The latest sound bites from the Monday Night Ubergoobers' last two play sessions in Ken's Montporte Megadungeon campaign.

"So, we all got re-sized."

"You can do it in French and get paid for it."

"You were off balance 'cause you lost that testicle."

GM: [on a critical fail] You bent your weapon.
P1: Aw, crap.
P2: At least you can still use it to attack around corners...

"Adzeer is smashing undead skulls like Gallagher."

"Mushroom balls." (Yes, that's the entire quote.)

"No, no. You go ahead. You were speaking about important stuff. I was just talking about naked ladies."

"Not tonight, dear. I have a limp."

"Aw...it's a f***ing Christmas miracle!"

P1: The word of the day is: "miasma."
P2: What? As in: "kiss miasma?"

At least. Maybe worse. The crudest terms been "bleeped" with asterisks, but still, if you are easily offended do NOT read on. You have been warned. 

OK, so here is where it finally begins to get strange. The GM – being FAR more mature than the players and not anticipating where they were going to go with this – had the PCs encounter...wait for it...a demon rooster. Which, of course, for the players, immediately became the "demon c**k." The GM handled this quite well, considering how players proceeded to defile his game world with the inevitable, and seemingly unending, string of phallic references. To wit:

"The GM's going to kill us with a giant c**k!"

"Is it wearing a ring?"

P: How much damage does the beak do?
GM: 1d10.
P: Wow, that is one nasty p*cker!

P1: [a thief, wanting to back-stab] Which way is it facing?
GM: Right toward you.
P2: Dude, you're looking the c**k right in the eye.
GM: Which means you're cockeyed.
[even the GM couldn't resist that one]

In the end, the PCs killed the thing. And when they did – you guessed it – the demon rooster exploded, splattering vile goo all over the place. Everyone had to make a reflex save and, as luck would have it, only one PC rolled it successfully...

"Luven made his save. The rest of us are covered in demon spl**ge."

And so it went. The comments periodically resurfaced throughout the night. Post-encounter questions about whether the PCs could have killed the demon chicken by choking it, appreciation that a fellow PC stepped aside allowing another PC to attack and not "c**k-blocking" him, and so on. Eventually, though, by the close of the session, the PCs finally got the jokes out of their system, and the phallic banter, um...

...petered out.


  1. I was almost afraid to click on this post. It's like waking up after a long night with a hangover. "What the hell did I do?" It was fun though. Even when the thing exploded on me.

    1. Yeah, I was almost afraid to write this post.

  2. It was the climax of the adventure for sure.

    1. Oh, no, you didn't just say that! :)

  3. A more contentious selection than previously. The horrors they've faced are beginning to strain the party, no doubt.

    1. Definitely. The strain is indeed taking its toll. At least that's the story I'm going to go with from now on.

  4. I wasn't sure I wanted to click this post, either. Glad you guys had fun.

    1. Yeah, this stuff might be a bit overboard. We may have to dial things back to "PG".

    2. Dial it back to PG ...lolololol.

      I had headphones on most of the night because I was watching Extreme Cheapskates on NetFlix, but every now and then I'd hear some of the game. It might be too late to go back to PG, now that that door has been opened.

  5. I am traumatized all over again. I feel so dirty.

    1. Yeah, it's four days later and I'm still recovering. :)